i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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