I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
