I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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