Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
