i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
