apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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