Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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