aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Rumble strips road head = magical
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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