Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
