Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My cat gives me a boner
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My vagina just recognized that song.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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