I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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