I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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