then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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