I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize
