He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
