This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
