the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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