Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
