I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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