I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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