Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
