Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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