awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
