her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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