The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
