nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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