i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
