did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
