The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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