What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
