I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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