shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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