She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
