I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
