I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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