He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We're too hungover to prance.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
