All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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