I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My vagina is officially offended.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
