How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
These tits shall not be calmed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
