if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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