Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
