I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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