smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
