Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
