he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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