its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
