Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
