i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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