MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
