You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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