Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Drunk is not a location!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
