Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
