If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
