I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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