I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
