Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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