My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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