okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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