Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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