What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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