I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
