I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
