There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
