I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
