the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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