just come out here and I will go home with you...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I will be naked everywhere
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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