My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
