Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
