I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
