you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
