if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
