the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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